Sunday, June 20, 2010

Where's the Welcome Wagon?!

**tapping foot impatiently**

WHERE is the welcome wagon?  The lady with my basket of goodies, welcoming me to the neighborhood with a kind smile and some homemade cookies?

If you haven't guessed yet, I'm the newest resident of Bandster Hell.  Arrived this weekend.  Just gettin' settled in to the neighborhood.

So on Friday night I made my family my all-time favorite meal.  Homemade fried rice, egg rolls (not-so-homemade) and teriyaki chicken.


I'm a few days out from giving "soft foods" a shot, and I've been SOOOOOOO good on my liquid/mushy/puree diet that I thought I'd give it a shot.  A few tiny bites of soft chicken.  Heaven.  And went down great.  So I got brave and tried a teeenytiiiiny bit of rice.  Delish.  So I had a few more bites of chicken and some more rice.  I knew that it was about then that I should be feeling "full".  But I wasn't.  So I had an egg roll.

*hanging head in shame*

I felt full after the egg roll and when I had a moment of temporary insanity and took a sip of water after I ate it, I felt "the feeling".  I felt the water stick up high in my chest.  And then I felt it "trickle" down.  It was the weirdest sensation.

Anyways... it was then that I realized that I was entering bandster hell.  That time between surgery and the first fill where there is very little restriction and our "fat kid" habits are still in full-swing.  I really wanted another egg roll about three hours later.  Like REALLY wanted it.  But I knew that was just going to lead me down a dark road, so I resisted.

But man, its hard.  I've been giving into my inner (and outter) fat kid for so long that its hard to break the cycle.  I knew how good that egg roll would have tasted.  Especially after weeks of protein shakes, lite yogurt, and fat-free cottage cheese.  And once my mind got going, it was hard to turn it off.  I wanted a PBJ sandwich.  I LOVE PBJ sandwiches.  They are my go-to snack at night when I get "hungry" (a term I'm learning to use loosely).  I've really REALLY missed my morning bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios.  And the shredded cheese that I've been using SO sparingly lately?  It was just begging to be covered in my morning scrambled egg.

But I resisted.  It wasn't easy and I can't guarantee that I'll be able to resist forever.  But for now, I resisted.

Because I refuse (REFUSE!!) to have gone through all of this in vain.  I refuse to be one of those bandsters who continues in their own ignorance, unaware of the fact that the band is NOT a magic wand!  I know that this is my only shot at this.  There are no do-overs in WLS.  Not for me at least.  And while I know that bandster hell is going to be... well, hell... I will not use that as an excuse for bad habits.  Not anymore.  No more eggrolls for this Hungry Girl.

But I have to admit... if the Welcome Wagon lady came to my door tonight, I *might* just have a tiny nibble of one of her homemade cookies.

But just a tiny nibble.



  1. I needed to read this post! I am your neighbor. I have been here a little longer. I have to stay strong. I started taking bites here and there and it only makes you want more bites! I will be strong, I will be strong...

  2. I haven't gotten there, but oh how you scare me reading about it.

  3. I realized something very important when I first starting eating real food again. I'm an all or nothing type of eater. If I have just ONE BITE, I gotta have it all. If I resist, after the initial temptation goes away, I'm golden. And since having it all is NOT AN OPTION (!!) for me right now (at least until I hit my goal weight) it's made it that much easier for me to say, "No thanks."

    Think of it this way: You think it's hard to say no to the first bite? That's nothing compared to the second...third...fourth...eighteenth bite.

    Everyone's different obviously, but this is what's gotten me through Bandster Hell (so far) with (fairly) consistent weight loss!

    Food is a drug after all.

  4. I just started following your blog. I am getting banded Friday and this is extremely helpful.

    This is exactly what I am afraid of doing!!
    Keep up the good work!!