Wednesday, November 17, 2010
No Fill for Me
Here's my thought process that led to the cancellation...
I am a little over five months post-op. I've lost 57-ish lbs. which my doctor tells me is fantastic. I got a fill last month and currently have 6ccs in a 10cc band. I have great restriction when I work the band. I am terrified of an over-fill.
Those last two are why I cancelled. I know what being over-filled can do physically and psychologically to us bandsters. I do NOT want to be over-filled. And I feel like I was getting another fill just because I made the appointment last month and didn't want to "waste" a perfectly good appointment, kwim? I've been doing a LOT of grazing. ((hanging head in shame)) Especially at work. I'm not hungry, but I find myself in the teacher's lounge nibbling on cookies or chips and dip. I can't count how many times I wandered into the store room this week to grab a piece of halloween candy from our chocolate stash. I'M NOT EVEN HUNGRY! I'M BORED! Boredom eating is my M.O. Its my go-to activity when things at work are slow or when I've got nothing to do at home. And junk food is so easy to get my chubby little hands on here at work.
So I realized yesterday that I was going to get a fill even though I had good restriction *when I ate right*. That just didn't make sense. It was trying to make the band do all the work and I knew I was about to set myself up for a fall. I refuse to get into the mindset that I can eat what I want, how I want, when I want, and still somehow magically lose weight and get healthier. I refuse to be a bandster who expects the band to do all the work for me.
I need to do this work myself. I need to get control of my grazing. I need to up my water intake (I eat less when I drink more), and I need to figure out how to get more protein into my diet. And lastly, I need to cut out all sweets. No more halloween candy in the teacher's lounge. I obviously can't eat "just one piece", so no more for me. I will treat myself to one piece of chocolate but only on days that I work out. If I don't work out, I don't get chocolate.
So, no fill for me. Someone please tell me I'm doing the right thing.