Wednesday, November 3, 2010


I've been thinking a lot lately about the changes in my life the past five months.  Most of them were changes that I predicted, some were changes I didn't see coming, and still other things that I thought would change haven't.

Obviously my body has changed, like I knew it would.  I did not, however, expect my boobs to shrink as fast as they have.  Not that they're small, by any stretch of the imagination, but they're smaller that I thought they'd be at this point.  My belly (lower abdomen) isn't shrinking fast enough.  Its going to be my "problem area" thanks to two c-sections and a decade of obesity.  The rest of me is shrinking which only makes my belly more pronounced.  It is, by far, the part of me that I am most self-conscious about.  If I'm not careful, I'll start obsessing about it.  The only part of losing weight that scares me is what that part of my body will look like when its all said and done.  *shudder*

My eating habits have also changed.  Eating protein isn't as hard as I thought it would be.  I don't miss carbs nearly as much as I thought I would.  I didn't realize what a carb addicit I was until I stopped eating it all.  Bagels, breads, pasta, cereal, donuts, sweet breads, I loved it all.  But once you PB on a bagel with cream cheese or a glazed donut, you suddenly don't crave them anymore.

One that hasn't changed that I hoped would is my hatred of cooked vegetables.  I really do still hate most veggies.  I love asparagus.  And corn on the cob.  And sometimes cauliflower.  But I can hardly choke down steamed broccoli or carrots.  I'd rather chew off my own foot than eat brussel sprouts.  I guess I was kind of hoping Lap-Band would make me a vegetarian or something.  No such luck.

Another thing that has changed is my style.  I've always had pretty good style (in my opinion) but as I got heavier, clothes became less about looking stylish and more about covering up and blending in.  Now that I'm losing weight, I can hardly wait to go try on new clothes and see what my body looks like in that cute pair of jeans or that adorable new blouse.  I had forgotten how fun shopping for clothes can be!  If I feel like this now, only halfway to my goal, I'm gonna be a full-blown shopaholic by the time I reach 180lbs.! 

I've also become much more sympathetic to other heavy people struggling with their weight.  I see someone on the streets who is morbidly obese and my heart goes out to them.  Because I know how they must be feeling.  Uncomfortable.  Trapped.  Pathetic.  Exhausted.  Frustrated.  I still feel all those things, but now I see a light at the end of my tunnel.  I wish for others what I have been given... hope.

So yes, lots of changes.  Some good, some unpredicted, and some still elusive.  But changes nonetheless.  And isn't that what this journey is all about?


  1. I am so there with you on the shopping. Not that I ever really let my weight stop me before (there was just a bigger challenge lol), but now its really bad. I want to go shopping every time I see something new hanging in the window at my favorite store. And where I would be lucky to put together an outfit before, now I end up in the dressing room with several outfits that fit (and look decent) and actually have to choose. A shopaholic support group may be in my future. :)

  2. Here's to change! I'm with you on the morbidly obese people--I wish we all could have the band or what ever help we need. Think how that would change sooo many peoples lives? annnnd even the bigger picture!

  3. o my! thanks a ton for saying some of the exact things i could not seem to say.

    the stomach thing - definitely feel you on this one - honestly it is rather discouraging.
    unfortunately i probably will not have the $ to do anything about it at the end of this process. so for me it is like working all the way to my goal and i will still not be happy with my body.
    anyway... CONGRATS!!!