Fill 'er up! (and other random stuff)

I saw my surgeon on Thursday afternoon.  I haven't been in for a fill since mid-October and it was nice being able to talk with my doctor about my progress (and current lack-there-of). 

He was thrilled with my 70lb. loss and was so complimenting and encouraging.  I could tell he was a *bit* hesitant to give me a fill at first, but after a short discussion about why I felt like it was time, he totally agreed and gave me .4cc.  I now have around 6.5cc in my 10cc band. 

My restriction is definitely back and I've lost three pounds in the last few days, putting me back down to my lowest-low of 222 lbs.  I'm hoping to be in onederland by my one-year bandiversary on June 9th.

SPEAKING OF JUNE 9th.... not only is that my one-year bandiversary but it is also my 30th birthday!  I've been thinking for months about what I want to do for my birthday and I just wasn't coming up with anything that just felt "right".  I want to have a big celebration of not only entering my third decade on this earth, but also the amazing transformation I will have undergone in the last year of my 20s.  I wasn't feeling the whole "nice restaurant dinner with an intimate group of friends" and I wasn't keen on the "rent out a bar and dance the night away to bad techno music" either.  And then, on the way home from the grocery store tonight it hit me... 

I'm going to have a big party at my house (or maybe my parents because they have a lot more open space) and invite all my fun-loving friends.  Its going to be a big, loud, fun GAME NIGHT PARTY!!!  I love to play games with my friends and we're always talking about how life is just too crazy with work and kids and life in general to get together for game night very often. 

So, my big 30th b-day bash/bandiversary is going to be the game night to end all game nights!!  Guesstures, Trivial Pursuit, Pictionary, Charades, Taboo, MadGab, EVERYTHING!  I want there to be at least 20 or 30 people there and its going to be one fun, loud, and amazing night!!

WAHOO!!  Have a good week ya'll!

xo

BYOC

I haven't done BYOC in a while so here goes...

1. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No, I don't think so.  I think you can be instantly attracted to someone, but love is more than attraction.  Love takes time.  You have to get to know someone.  You have to discover the very best and the very worst in them and then you CHOOSE to love them because of and in spite of it all. 

2. What's your idea of a romantic evening?
Honestly?  The most romantic thing my husband could do is arrange a night where I don't have to do anything.  He'd plan to have someone watch the boys.  He'd make dinner reservations and maybe buy movie tickets.  And we'd spend the whole date just hanging out, worry and stress-free, enjoying some time together.

3. Who was your first crush?
The first crush I remember having was on a boy named Ryan Kinney.  We were in kindergarten and my best friend Heather liked him too.  He was quite the stud for a five-year-old.

My first celebrity crush was on none other than Joey from New Kids on the Block.  Oh my, he was so dreamy!  LOL!!

4. What do you believe is a stronger emotion – love or hate?
Oooh, this is a very good question.  I believe that hate can be stronger in the way that it tends to consume a person more completely.  But I believe love is the most powerful emotion in the world if you allow it to be first in your life.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your life in blogland and in real life.
My blogland life has been pretty nonexistent lately.  I went through a time after Christmas where I struggled and now I'm pulling myself out of it.  I plan on blogging more often these next five months leading to my one year bandiversary in June.

In my real life, things are just plugging right along.  Work, kids, husband, home... everything is same-old-same-old.  We're starting to get in to the nitty-gritty of winter here in Colorado and I'm hoping for some good snow storms as its been a very dry and unseasonably warm winter thusfar.

Happy Friday, friends!

xoxoxo

My Rollercoaster.

In the interest of full disclosure and because I tend to live my life like an open book, I feel like I need to put this out there for everyone to read, understand, and help motivate me and hold me accountable.

I'm struggling.  Seven (almost eight) months into this journey and I've hit my first major roadblock.  It's not like anything life-altering happened.  In fact, quite the opposite.  Nothing happened.  And maybe I wasn't prepared for that.  Maybe I'm suffering from a little bit of let down.

The last seven months have felt like the beginning of a roller coaster.  You know what I mean... the car starts slowly climbing that huge hill.  Each foot higher you go, the more the anticipation builds.  You climb closer towards the peak, your stomach flipping with a mixture of fear and excitement as the big moment draws nearer.

Except on my rollercoaster, the one in my head that started on the day of my surgery, there was nothing at the top of that giant climb. 

I don't know what I was expecting.  I didn't even realize I was on the rollercoaster until I got to the top and realized all that build up resulted in a let down.

Since Christmas, I have fallen off the proverbial wagon.  I hate using that cliche, but it's accurate.  My restriction was good, but I ate around my band and little by little I got away from all the things that have made me so successful the past seven months.  I stopped drinking my water.  I  stopped eating my protein.  I snacked.  I grazed.  I got re-addicted to sugar.  And I made a million excuses.  The biggest of which was the severely twisted, "I've lost 75 pounds, I deserve a little treat."  Yup, the ol' Fat Girl standby.  I'm sad, so I deserve a pint of ice cream.  I'm stressed, so I deserve a bag of potato chips.  I've been so successful, I deserve a break from the "diet".  I forgot the one cardinal rule of bandster-hood....  

This is NOT a DIET.  It is a LIFESTYLE!!

I'm ashamed to admit that I've gained weight, real tangible weight, for the first time since my surgery.  After a lowest low of 223 lbs, the scale this morning read 229.  I almost vomited when I saw that number.  It felt like a punch in the gut.  I cried.  And then I did what all fat girls do: I rewarded my pain with food (chocolate caramel popcorn, specifically).  That six pound gain has hurt more emotionally than when I saw the scale read 297.7 lbs., my heaviest recorded weight.  Six little pounds and I feel like my roller coaster car rounded the peak and dropped straight down to the ground, smashing into a million pieces below.

Everyday, all day long, people tell me how great I look, how good I'm doing.  And for the first time in seven months, I don't beam with pride at their compliments.  Sure, I smile and say Thank You.  But what I really want to do is scream, "I'm a failure!  Don't commend me for failing!"  Am I being melodramatic?  Probably.  Are there worse (much worse) things I could be going through right now?  Yes.  But right now, today, I feel more lost and insecure and pathetic than I felt at 300 lbs. 

I have a fill scheduled for tomorrow.  Yes, I actually do need a fill.  For the last two weeks, my restriction (even with band-friendly foods) is almost totally gone.  I feel like something amazing needs to happen.  Like a lightning bolt from heaven needs to come down and strike the motivation and optimism back into me and make me wake up and take control again. 

I really do have a flair for the dramatic, don't I?

Last Call for the Sisterhood...

Any clothes left over on Wednesday are going straight to the Goodwill.  Take 'em if you want 'em.

Click Here for Sisterhoood Clothes

Side-by-side photos

I'm down 75 lbs. so I figured it was time for a side-by-side comparison. I have to run to the grocery store so this is gonna be quick. 

 

 It feels great seeing these photos side-by-side.  I can't believe how big I was!  I didn't see that puffy face or that round belly when I looked in the mirror seven months ago.  Talk about personal distortion!

Well whadduya know!

Eating right and exercise really does work!! ;)

I've been stuck gaining and losing the same two pounds since before Christmas. One morning I'm 224, the next I'm 225 or even 226. I'm the first to admit that I indulged at Christmas and have had a hard time resisting sugar ever since. It's so crazy how easily my body begins to CRAVE sugar once I start to indulge just a little bit!

But this week I really kicked it into gear. I've been good about my water consumption, better about my protein intake (still need to work on this) and I've gone to the gym three times. Part of me thinks I need a small fill since it's been months since I've had one. But if I really take a step back and evaluate my restriction level, I realize that I have good restriction when I work the band. When I eat three small meals and a couple of healthy snacks and plenty of water, I'm fine. But as soon as I start eating junk or grazing between meals, suddenly I'm hungry all the time. So, as it stands right now, no fill for me.

This morning the scale showed a new low... 222.2 lbs! That's a loss of over 74 lbs. in the seven months since my surgery! My next big goal is to hit one-derland by my one-year bandiversary on June 9th, which is also my 30th birthday. In a perfect world, I'll get down to 197.7 lbs. which is not only one-derland, but it'll be 100 lbs. lost in one year.

I'm cautious about putting this goal on too high of a pedestal. 100 lbs. lost is totally attainable, but I don't want to get so focused on the numbers that I lose sight of the reason I did all this. It's not about just the numbers, and I don't want to forget that. It's about getting healthier. It's about being able to play with my boys without getting winded. It's about hiking in the beautiful Rocky Mountains and being able to breathe. It's about no more sleep apnea. No more bad cholesterol. No more pre-diabetes.

If I don't make it to one-derland by June 9th, I will still be happy. I will look back at the past year and be proud of how hard I worked and how far I came. I will know deep down that I have permanently changed my life and my family's life for the better.

But onederland should would be a nice 30th birthday gift to myself...

Heavy

Sarah at My Anniversary Band dared us bandits to pick up a weight at our gym corresponding to the amount of weight we've lost. Never one to shy away from a dare, I accepted the challenge. She said it would be a profound experience. I didn't think much of it because, well, I just didn't. I've lost 72 lbs. I know that is a TON of weight. But after my workout last night, curiosity go the best of me and I decided to see how much, exactly, 70 lbs. felt like.

So I walked to the free weights and picked up a 70 lb. dumbell. Or rather, I *tried* to pick it up. No joke, I had to use both hands and I could barely lift it off the rack. I thought, "surely this isn't really a 70 lb. weight.". So I asked someone and sure 'nuff, it was. So I lifted it again, this time trying to walk around the free weight area carrying it. I got about three waddle-steps and had to put it down.

It was astounding how heavy that weight was! I know that my 70 lbs. of fat wasn't all in one spot and being carried in front of me by my weakling arms, but still. Throw that sucker into a backpack and carry it around for a day, and I guarantee my joints will be killing me and my body will be exhausted.

Sometimes it's hard to be excited about how far I've come when I see how far I still have to go. But lifting that weight gave me a whole new outlook on my weight loss. I really am a rock star! :)

Sisterhood Alert!! 42 Items w/ Photos!!

*woopwoopwoop*

*eeeeeooooongeeeeeong*

*wheeeeeewooooooowheeeeeewooooooooo*

(those are my alarm noises, in case you were wondering)


I have a TON of clothes that I want gone.  Now.  Yesterday.  Please take them.

Here are the rules...

1.  First-come first-serve.  The first person to comment that they want an item or items, gets dibs.  I have numbered each item to make this process a bit easier.

2.  Please leave your email address in your comment so I can contact you regarding where to ship your item(s).

3.  (and I gave this a lot of thought) Because of financial restraints, I am asking that participants pay shipping for their item(s).  I wish I didn't have to do it this way, but the truth is that I can't afford to ship all of this.  I'm sorry.  It's still great clothes at basically no cost.  So, there ya go.

4.  All clothes are in good or great condition.  Some of the jeans have basic wear like at the bottom hems.  Nothing has stains that I could see.  It's all clothing that I have worn, but kept in good condition.  Some items were barely worn and are perfect.

5.  Play nice and have fun.  I'm thrilled to be able to pass on these clothes to you ladies.  I hope that you return the favor by, in turn, passing them on in the sisterhood once you're done with them.

Now, ARE YOU READY TO RRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMBLE?!


(((you should be able to click on the pics to enlarge them)))

First up is jeans.  Lovely, comfy jeans. 

Starting at the top-left and going down and then back up to the top-right and down...

• 1. Venezia sz. 6 Avg. Red Triangle stretch bootcut jeans
• 2. Venezia sz .22 Avg. stretch flair jeans
• 3. Venezia sz. 24 Avg. stretch flair jeans
• 4. Venezia sz. 24 Avg. stretch bootcut jeans  *worn in upper thighs and bottom hems but my fave pair of jeans, by far.
• 5. Maurices sz. 22 Regular Ciara style stretch bootcut
• 6. Venezia sz. 22 Avg. stretch flair
• 7. Venezia sz. 22 Avg. khaki denim flair

Next up is the long-sleeved tops...

Reading like a book from top-left to right...

• 8. Lane Bryant (LB) 22/24 olive v-neck sweater w/ hood.  Fits a little on the smaller side than most 22/24s
• 9. LB 22/24 gray/white v-neck sweater w/ red trim and hood.  I'm super sad to see this one go
• 10. LB 22/24 Plum sweater w/ lattice detail and 3/4 length sleeves
• 11. LL Bean 2X fuscia fleece v-neck top
• 12. LB 26/28 sleeveless red sweater cami w/ black beaded cardigan (3/4 sleeves) that ties in front  This is dressy and I only wore it four times.
• 13. LB 22/24 v-neck black 3/4 sleeves top w/ waist tie accent.

 Next is more long-sleeved tops and some workout stuff...

Starting at the top-left and going down and then back up to the top-right and down...

• 14. LB 18/20 knit blouse w/ lace and sequin detail on neck, sleeves, bottom hem (3/4 sleeves)
• 15. Northcrest 22/24 striped knit top
• 16. Venezia 22/24 v-neck striped knit top
• 17. Venezia 22/24 pink v-neck knit top (3/4 sleeve)
• 18. Athletic Works 22/24 polyester gym pants.
• 19. Danskin NOW 22/24 gray knit gym shorts

And now for the capri pants...

Starting at the top-left and going down and then back up to the top-right and down...

• 20. Avenue 22 capris w/ cute drawstring legs.
• 21. Venezia 24 gaucho capris my absolute fave pair
• 22. Gloria Vanderbilt 22 capris
• 23. Venezia 24 capris
• 24. Venezia 22 capris
• 25. Maurices 24 grown dress capris
• 26. LB 22 black dress capris w/ embroidered embellishment on bottom right shin.
• 27. Worthington 22 capri dress slacks
• 28. LB 24 gray capri dress slacks
• 29. LB 20 pinstripe brown dress bermuda shorts
• 30. LB 24 chocolate pinstripe capri dress slacks need inner thigh seam stitched (approx. 2")

And last, but certainly not least... the short-sleeved tops...

Starting at the top-left and going down and then back up to the top-right and down...

• 31. Venezia 26/28 NY graphic t-shirt
• 32. Venezia 22/24 black y-neck tee
• 33. Venezia 26/28 black tee w/ b/w stiped inlay
• 34. Karen Scott 3X pink striped tee
• 35. Just My Size 3X 22/24 black tee w/ slight ruffled accent at neckline
• 36. LB 22/24 aqua blue supima cotton v-neck tee
• 37. George 22/24 knit short-sleeved black sweater
• 38. LB 22/24 short-sleeved coral sweater
• 39. LB 22/24 short sleeved dark teal blue short-sleeved sweater loved this sweater!
• 40. Venezia 22/24 cream lace blouse (w/ underlay)
• 41. Apt. 9 2X one piece brown, coral, and cream cami/cardi set.  I have a fantastic coral necklace that I'll throw in as well since it only goes with this top 

And this top needed a photo of its own because its my FAVE and I'm so sad it no longer fits!

• 42. This is a Lane Bryant 22/24 soft-as-buttah knit blouse in an aqua-teal-blue with gorgeous ruffle around the v-neck and down the front.  I got SO MANY compliments on this top and while I'm thrilled I'm too small to fit into it, I'm a bit sad that I can't wear it anymore cuz I lurve it.  *tinysob*

Ok, whew!  That was a LOT of clothes!!  If you want it then you should'a put a ring on it.  Oh wait.  No, thats Beyonce.  If you want any of these, just leave me a comment with THE NUMBER of the item(s) you want and your email address so I can contact you.  I will try my best to update my post and cross off the items that have been spoken for. 

Also, if you other bloggers would maybe be sweet and post a link to this on your blog to help spread the word, I'd be much obliged.

Thanks lovies!
xoxox

Apparently...

... I can no longer eat "real" breakfasts w/o getting stuck.  Holy stomach pain, Batman!

For the past couple of months, I have been doing the smoothie-yogurt-coffee thing for breakfast simply because I'm always in a rush getting the kids out the door for school and myself out the door for work.

This morning I made myself a small breakfast burrito with egg substitute and turkey bacon.  It went down fine.  But about 30-45 minutes later, I was clearly stuck.  Pain, sliming, and more pain.  I PB'd about 15 minutes after I got to work.  It didn't help.  I'm still hurting.  The pain is radiating into my back.  I really want to chug a bunch of water, but obviously I know that won't help. *sob*

Looks like I'm now in the "super-tight-in-the-mornings" club.  Back to smoothies, yogurt, and coffee from now on. 

***Keep an eye out for a sisterhood post.  I'm going to try to get my clothes posted tonight or tomorrow night.  There's going to be TONS of good stuff in sizes 20-26, mostly from LB***

Can someone please explain...

... the sisterhood to me?

I have about eleventyzillion clothes that no longer fit and that I never want to see the likes of again.  I want them GONE and I've heard rumors of a sisterhood where us bandits give away our clothes to bandits in need.  So spill it.  How does it work? 

Do I just take photos and post them on my blog?  Is it first-come-first-serve?  What about shipping?  Who pays it?  Are there any unspoken rules I need to know?

Because, honestly?  I just want these clothes gone.  And they're cute clothes and I know other girls out there can use them during their WL journey.

Halp!