I don't know quite what to do with myself. I'm having a very blue day. I know this isn't band-related, but I just need to get all of this off my chest and I figured the blog world is the perfect place to send it all, ya know?
So I had a falling out with my best friend last night. It was ugly. I'm heartbroken that she no longer wants to be friends, but I know I have nothing to be sorry for. You see, she disagrees with how I handle my marriage. Her and I have polar-opposite marriages and its never been an issue.
She is angry at how I handled something with my husband and is taking it upon herself to "put me in my place". She feels like she was somehow wronged in this situation that was between ME and my HUSBAND (which is 100% resolved, btw). She wanted me to handle it like she would have with her husband. What she doesn't understand is that I don't want a marriage like hers. I would rather have a marriage like mine where we are both equal partners, we both value one another's feelings, and we both put our family unit first.
Needless to say, she disagrees. She wanted to talk about how she felt about how I handled the situation. I wanted to talk about how, as my best friend, she doesn't get to have a voice in my marriage.
It ended with her yelling "consider this friendship over" and hanging up on me.
I've felt physically sick ever since. My chest feels heavy, I could barely sleep, and its literally all I can think about. I don't want our friendship to be over.
But I also know that I'm not wrong. I'm not going to apologize for being upset that she feels like she gets to have a say in how I handle my marriage. I'm not going to tell her its ok for her to judge me and crucify me for something that is 100% none of her business. I'm not going to say sorry for expecting my best friend to be just that... my friend. Not my judge and jury.
Not having her for a friend is going to be one of the hardest things I'll probably ever have to face. We've been best friends for over four years and its been unlike any friendship I've ever had before. We were almost closer than sisters. It was truly something special.
But I'm not going to kid myself... if that's the kind of friend she wants to be to me, then I don't need that kind of friend in my life.
Still, the pain is palpable.